Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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