next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
