i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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