I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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