I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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