I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
