Soap is not a condiment
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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