if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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