Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
