Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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