we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
