if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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