I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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