the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
