my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
