she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
