I am puke
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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