just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
