She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
