Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
