does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
