Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
