Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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