its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
