I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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