I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
