My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
