alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
