You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You are the jesus of drinking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
