Say something about gay babies.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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