Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
