After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
