Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
