Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
