i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
