He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
