I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
