Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
