I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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