Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
