Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
