so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
