I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
