i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
