I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
