I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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