Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
