I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You smell like stripper and shame
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
