belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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