Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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