i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
